THE ALBUMS OF 2008

Here at Jealousy one of our staff recently read an album review that he said was so uselessly researched and written that “a pissed kid” could of writ it better.” So to look back on some of our favourite albums of the past year, here is a pissed kid. We met nine year old Daniel by the duck pond at Platt Fields Park and started him on a three litre bottle of White Lightning. After half an hour and with Daniel already beginning to look quite drunk, we began the interview. 

Late of the Pier/Fantasy Black Channel 

TOL: Hi Daniel.

Daniel: I feel really sick.

TOL: Don’t worry it’s all part of growing up and being a big boy. 

Daniel: Ok. This sounds funny but I like it. They all look silly. Is your head meant to feel like this? Mummy always shouts at Daddy when he drinks because he does it all the time. But he calls her a stupid cow because he says she is a headache. But she doesn’t look like a cow. Haha I feel so funny. I think Daddy’s right. 

TOL: Why?

Daniel: Because if Mummy drank this she would lighten up. 

TOL: Right. Well do you like it? Do you think you could dance a lot to it?

Daniel: No. It’s like the monsters from Doctor Who. Can we do the next one?

Crystal Castles/Crystal Castles

Daniel: My cousin has this really old thing called a games boy or something but it’s rubbish and the graphics are so bad. This sounds like that. Are they really old? My PSP is better.

TOL: They’ve been around a couple of years, but have lost the sense of underground mystery they used to have when they first started out because they became really popular with a lot of big kids and are not so cool anymore. 

Daniel: Oh like Yu Gi Oh cards. We had them at school, me and my friends, and then everyone liked them so they got gay. I don’t think this counts as music though if it’s from a game. Can I go toilet pleeeease?

  

Metallica/Death Magnetic

TOL: Don’t you think the album cover looks a bit like a hairy vagina? 

Daniel: I don’t know what that is.

TOL: I didn’t think so. When you’re older booze will help you get it. 

Daniel: You’re weird. These guys are really angry, my sister likes this kind of stuff, she’s fat and got braces and wears black all the time. Loser. Can I lie down? I’ve got a really bad tummy and you just keep playing me wank music. 

TOL: Woah. Where did you hear that word? Well do you like any music?

Daniel: Yes, 50 Cent. And Razorlight. They’re both mainly popular with kids my age I think. I’m bored and you guys are pooheads. 

At this point Daniel ran off to the playground and was violently sick all over the curly-wurly slide. The interview had to be cut short. 

THOMAS